I signed up to this “FUN”
activity thru the tour operator called ALLAN B FUN TOURS.
I'm
telling you.....it's not fun at all. That is if we have the same
definition of FUN. But, for sure, we both know exactly know what FUN
is and what / how it should be.
This tour operator misled
people and they distribute flyers almost in every guesthouses and
hotels in Boracay. In these flyers, there go their false
advertisement.
Below is their advertisement---the ones in red
bold letter; and the ones in black italics are mine.
allan
b fun tour
(Below
this, they wrote their contact numbers and email addy but I don't
want to write it down here because I don't advocate FALSE /
MISLEADING ADVERTISING!
Includes:
Mask and snorkel
If
it's your first time to snorkel and you don't know how to swim, you
might think these two are all you need, but NO!
You need fins, too. You're gonna rent it from them for PHP150. I have no
problem with this, but for some who came in my boat, they were
murmuring because they didn't bring any money. All they know is
that....they're going to snorkel. Should one bring money to feed the
fish?
I rented one though. Even when I snorkeled in Phuket,
Thailand, these stuff are to be rented. I only brought PHP200 with me.
I got PHP50 left.
Food:
chicken, pork bbq, grilled fish, garlic shrimps, vegetable salad,
stir-fried vegetable, bread, rice and fruits in season.
Drinks:
beer, coke, sprite, orange, mineral water.
We
got what we promised, but these are all what I got. I don't eat much.
Food was ok.
Price:
For PHP700 per person for adults / children 5 years, PHP300.
I
didn't pay this price. Someone at my guesthouse said it's only
PHP600. It's a cheap deal isn't it?
Plus
a lot of fun.
Fun?
Hmmmnn... what are you thinking?
For sure, this makes you think of a
really good day, right?
Read on and see if it's fun.

First
of all, we left at 10:20 in the morning, instead of 10:00. Who
cares? This is what Filipino time is.
Then, we sailed on from Station 3 shore for
less than 10 minutes to snorkel somewhere. It's actually not far
from the beach itself. When the motorized boat stopped and seeing the water so crystal clear, everybody
was so excited.
I was, too. I enjoyed my snorkeling in Phuket, so, I
thought this is going to be much better.
Everyone excitedly
wore their snorkeling masks, fins, and snorkel while I was busy
applying sun protection lotion all over my face and body. I took off
my shorts----but not my swimming trunks. :))
Then..... I was
SOOOOOOO DISSAPPOINTED.
FUCKING DISSAPPOINTED!
The corals
were dead.
Lifeless.
There were only so little fish in
there. So little and they're tiny too.
Before we dove, our
“tour guide” told us the length of time to stay and to PAY PHP20 for
environmental fee.
What
the fuck is environmental fee? 
You
pay for using the environment? For fuck's sake we visit this island
and we bring money to this island and its people and you let us pay
such cheaaappppp amount?
Where the hell on earth you pay for
using the environment? I reckon, only in the Philippines!
And
where does this money go? Pfffttttt...... we all know where.
I
also paid this fee when I arrived at Caticlan airport. It's my first
time to hear such and it really bothered me. It's NOT just right.
Whoever
authored a city bill / ordinance for this is such a first class
asshole.
So, now, I'm down to PHP30 left in my pocket.
INCONSIDERATE
Before
we proceeded to our first island, we went back to the shore where we
came from---to pick two guests who were late. How nice of them!
However, it's an annoying thing to pick them up even without telling us! That's fucking
inconsiderate to us! There were caucasians on
board and we should show them that we Filipinos value time and we are
considerate to other people's time and feelings.
CRYSTAL
COVE
As
we were approaching, our tour guide talked again by telling us the
name of the island and.... tadaaaa..... to pay PHP200 for the
entrance fee!
We all looked at each other as if to say, WTF?
This is a SCAM! Big time.
Nobody told us to pay such!
They only told us even before we boarded the boat that we were going
to snorkel and island hop. But, fees? No, they didn't tell us.
This, for sure, is a hidden fee.
I
asked them why should we pay such, and they said that it's a private
property so, we have to pay. It's owned by a certain army Colonel. His
last name slipped off my mind.
Wow, that Colonel owns an island? Bill
Gates doesn't have one!
So, I just stayed outside the gate and did
my usual camwhoring. When the French couple sitting next to me came
back from inside, they told me what they said.
“There are
two caves. One is great and the other one was a crap. The view is
just like any other sea view and it's ok. But, PHP200, though cheap,
is not worth it.”
I smiled and they asked me why I didn't
go inside. I told them about my “financial crisis” and I was glad
that they EXACTLY had the same sentiment!
“We are glad
you said that because we were thinking that we were alone in thinking
about this thing,” the girl said.
In an instant, I just
blurted out, “Welcome to the Philippines!”
We all three
shared a laugh Monalisa doesn't even know.
PUKA BEACH
After our lunch at the coastal BarangayTambi-saan, we headed to
Puka Beach. The guide said that there are many shells here.
But,
no alas, I didn't find a whole one. I found some broken shells. Not
awesome.
However, the sand quality and the seaside and the
quietness of the place is magnificent. There are no annoying whores
and peddlers here nor resorts and business establishments. It's just
YOU and the sea. Well, of course, the other few tourists in your
boat.
I saw two nipa huts but that's just the way it is in
the island, right?
I reckon that this is the place where one
can attain Nirvana.
After self-camwhoring (with my tripod), I
went back to our boat and in few minutes, we sailed off back to
Station 3.
That's where we passed by Shangrila Boracay which
reminds me of the wondrous Mediterenean houses and hotels overlooking
the sea. We all wished we could stay there even for a night.
We
also passed by Manny Pacquiao's Resort which became controversial for
breaking an environmental law. Search about the controversy and if I
were you, DON'T ever stay there---even if you are a millionaire.
Just. Don't.
Now, is that “plus
a lot of fun”
to you? Or just a plain SCAM?
On my way to my guesthouse, I stopped and read this sand joke. This. IS. FUN.