The Sojourner

Bohol in a Day

Sightseeing in Bohol for a day is very POSSIBLE. Though you won't be able to know its people and culture first-hand while moving from one place to another, visiting almost all the famous places you need to / must see can be within the time frame you planned ahead.

This was our itinerary for the day.

At 7:30, our bus picked us up at your budget hotel where four us were cramped in a suite room. A suite room in a third world is not the one you imagine, of course. Especially for a 2-star hotel.

But anyway, I'm a backpacker and I really don't care where to sleep as long as it's within a four-walled space---and as long as the bathroom is within reach and I can take a shower anytime of the day.

CHOCOLATE HILLS

Our first stop was, of course, the over-rated tourist destination in Bohol---the Chocolate Hills. I had a separate blog entry of this HERE.

MAN-MADE FORESTS

We had our lunch here in this very refreshing man-made forests. Though I didn't eat lunch because I was super full, the place is one hell of heaven on earth. A lot of tourists do their picnic here or stop for their lunch here. No annoying vendors here, so bring your own food. ;)

TARSIER, The World's Smallest Monkey

Aren't they cute?

LOBOC RIVER

In the same place where you can have a glimpse of the tarsier, you can also enjoy watching the boat restaurants that pass the Loboc River, one of the province' main attraction. If you are going to take this boat-resto tour, you will enchanted by the singing cooks and waiters with their fabulous rendition of Filipino songs.

HINAGDANAN CAVE

It was soooooo hot inside. One would pass by a really, really tiny hole with steep stairs to get inside the cave. To be honest, there's nothing especial about this cave. The stalactites and stalagmites seem to be lifeless.

BACLAYON CHURCH

This is one of the OLDEEESTTTT church in the Philippines, way back from the Spanish colonialism.

The python was immobile when we visited. Marimar, a Filipino transvestite, did the introduction about the python---and he did it with such coolness and fun! So fun---that he, himself, became more the tourist attraction than the python itself. To know more about MARIMAR, click this blog entry and see how fabulous he is.

PANGALO ISLAND

Panglao Island is known for its Panglao Beach with a fine white sand. However, I was dissapointed when I went there because the beach side was dirty. A lot of litter around and it such a dismay.

CALAMAY

This is the islands most famous delicacy. No tourist would leave without buying one.

The Chocolate Hills

There's one thing that comes to mind when BOHOL is mentioned---the Chocolate Hills.

And I was in Bohol for a night and two days! It was a trip bonding with my fabulous friends.

There are two viewing deck for tourists to see the Chocolate Hills in two different panoramas. One is at Sagbayan Peak and the other is at Carmen Peak, which is the most famous one. Both offer excellent panoramic view of the hills near and far.

Some hills are covered in green grasses and some are bald. They are majestic and breathtaking and as you gaze at these hills from where you stand, you will be mesmerized by its amazing beauty---and wonder, why the hell this stuff happened?

The local people have legends about the scattered hills' formations and science, too, has its own explanation. Whichever you believe, it doesn't matter. Just enjoy it.

If you don't like one, there are 1,775 chocolate hills more to taste from. :))

Like the expensive hersheys on display on the window glasses at the department stores, these chocolate hills are for your eyes only. ;)

SAGBAYAN PEAK

The Chocolate Hills is a rolling terrain of haycock hills – mounds of general shape which are conical and almost symmetrical.^[4] Estimated to be at least 1,268 individual mounds to about 1,776, these cone-shaped or dome-shaped hills are actually made of grass-covered limestone.

The domes vary in sizes from 30 to 50 metres (98 to 160 ft) high with the largest being 120 metres (390 ft) in height.

Bohol's "main attraction", these unique mound-shaped hills are scattered by the hundreds on the island's central plain, concentrated near the town of Carmen.

They are scattered throughout the towns of Carmen, Batuan and Sagbayan in Bohol.

The Original 4! The Senoras (senior citizens) and me. Hahahaha!!!

CARMEN PEAK
The description below the photos tells the LEGENDS of the Chocolate Hills.


The first tells the story of two feuding giants who hurled rocks, boulders, and sand at each other. The fighting lasted for days, and exhausted the two giants. In their exhaustion, they forgot about their feud and became friends, but when they left they forgot to clean up the mess they had made during their battle, hence the Chocolate Hills.


A more romantic legend tells of a giant named Arogo who was extremely powerful and youthful. Arogo fell in love with Aloya, who was a simple mortal. Aloya's death caused Arogo much pain and misery, and in his sorrow he could not stop crying. When his tears dried, the Chocolate Hills were formed.


The third legend tells of a town being plagued by a giant carabao, who ate all of their crops. Finally having had enough, the townsfolk took all of their spoiled food and placed it in such a way that the carabao would not miss it. Sure enough, the carabao ate it, but his stomach couldn't handle the spoiled food, so he defecated, leaving behind him a mound of feces, until he had emptied his stomach of the food. The feces then dried, forming the Chocolate Hills.

Total Performance from the Fabulous Marimar

If you are from Latin America, you must be familiar with Marimar, who once ruled and the undisputed soap opera queen in Mexico. She is popularly known as Thalia, and currently the wife of Sony Records Executive, Tommy Mottola, Mariah Carey's ex.

Marimar is not just an actress, but also a diva in her own right. A sexy siren who swept the hearts of the Filipinos via her soap operas which were shown in the Philippines in the 90's and early 20's.

Bohol, an island in the Visayas in the Philippines has its own Marimar who can't sing live but can lipsync to the delight of all. And oh, no, she doesn't sing Marimar's song but Celine Dion's with pomposity, grace, comic and exaggerated acrobatic skills.

Just like what she said, "I am a fabulous performer and I perform like a tarsier."

This video is for all of you who wants a good laugh.

But, most especially to my Spanish Ate Danica who will turn a year older tomorrow.

Happy Birthday, Ateh Danica! :))

I saw this performer today at Bohol's Python Center where tourists are dropped off by tourists buses to see the python.

Instead of the python, Marimar steals the show and she becomes a tourist attraction herself.

Marimar does the explaining about the dangers and loveliness of the center's python which they called, Prony. He explains with a touch of fabulousness that I couldn't be at par with.

After such, she entertains her guests with a stand-up comedy act and the performance above.

Bravo!

Boracay Sunsets

This is going to be my last blog entry about my vacay in Boracay Island. I'd like to end it by posting these sunset photos taken from the island.

You all know how crazy I am about sunsets. It love them. I love them that if I were a woman, I'd love to have my wedding with the sunset as the backdrop. I'll bribe God to hold the sunset steady for an hour so I could have the world's most fantabulous wedding!

If there's no sunset on that special day , I'd be a runaway bride. :)

So, here they go:

“When I admire the wonder of a sunset or the beauty of the moon, my soul expands in worship of the Creator” Mahatma Gandhi


“Know what you want to do, hold the thought firmly, and do every day what should be done, and every sunset will see you that much nearer the goal.” Elbert Hubbard


“Love is the dawn of marriage, and marriage is the sunset of love” French Proverb


“Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.” Jack Handy


Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky. Rabindranath Tagore


How strange this fear of death is! We are never frightened at a sunset. George MacDonald


I envy people who can just look at a sunset. I wonder how you can shoot it. There is nothing more grotesque to me than a vacation. Dustin Hoffman


I'm feeling pretty good right now, but I hope we can just win the whole thing and I can run off into the sunset and say good-bye. David Wells

Snorkeling and Island Hopping in Boracay

I signed up to this “FUN” activity thru the tour operator called ALLAN B FUN TOURS.

I'm telling you.....it's not fun at all. That is if we have the same definition of FUN. But, for sure, we both know exactly know what FUN is and what / how it should be.

This tour operator misled people and they distribute flyers almost in every guesthouses and hotels in Boracay. In these flyers, there go their false advertisement.

Below is their advertisement---the ones in red bold letter; and the ones in black italics are mine.

allan b fun tour

(Below this, they wrote their contact numbers and email addy but I don't want to write it down here because I don't advocate FALSE / MISLEADING ADVERTISING!

Includes: Mask and snorkel
If it's your first time to snorkel and you don't know how to swim, you might think these two are all you need, but NO!

You need fins, too. You're gonna rent it from them for PHP150. I have no problem with this, but for some who came in my boat, they were murmuring because they didn't bring any money. All they know is that....they're going to snorkel. Should one bring money to feed the fish?

I rented one though. Even when I snorkeled in Phuket, Thailand, these stuff are to be rented. I only brought PHP200 with me.

I got PHP50 left. 

Food: chicken, pork bbq, grilled fish, garlic shrimps, vegetable salad, stir-fried vegetable, bread, rice and fruits in season.

Drinks: beer, coke, sprite, orange, mineral water.

We got what we promised, but these are all what I got. I don't eat much. Food was ok.

Price: For PHP700 per person for adults / children 5 years, PHP300.
I didn't pay this price. Someone at my guesthouse said it's only PHP600. It's a cheap deal isn't it?

Plus a lot of fun.
Fun? Hmmmnn... what are you thinking?

For sure, this makes you think of a really good day, right?

Read on and see if it's fun.

First of all, we left at 10:20 in the morning, instead of 10:00. Who cares? This is what Filipino time is.

Then, we sailed on from Station 3 shore for less than 10 minutes to snorkel somewhere. It's actually not far from the beach itself. When the motorized boat stopped and seeing the water so crystal clear, everybody was so excited.

I was, too. I enjoyed my snorkeling in Phuket, so, I thought this is going to be much better.

Everyone excitedly wore their snorkeling masks, fins, and snorkel while I was busy applying sun protection lotion all over my face and body. I took off my shorts----but not my swimming trunks. :))

Then..... I was SOOOOOOO DISSAPPOINTED.

FUCKING DISSAPPOINTED!

The corals were dead.

Lifeless.

There were only so little fish in there. So little and they're tiny too.

Before we dove, our “tour guide” told us the length of time to stay and to PAY PHP20 for environmental fee.

What the fuck is environmental fee?

You pay for using the environment? For fuck's sake we visit this island and we bring money to this island and its people and you let us pay such cheaaappppp amount?

Where the hell on earth you pay for using the environment? I reckon, only in the Philippines!

And where does this money go? Pfffttttt...... we all know where.

I also paid this fee when I arrived at Caticlan airport. It's my first time to hear such and it really bothered me. It's NOT just right.

Whoever authored a city bill / ordinance for this is such a first class asshole.

So, now, I'm down to PHP30 left in my pocket.

INCONSIDERATE
Before we proceeded to our first island, we went back to the shore where we came from---to pick two guests who were late. How nice of them!

However, it's an annoying thing to pick them up even without telling us! That's fucking inconsiderate to us! There were caucasians on board and we should show them that we Filipinos value time and we are considerate to other people's time and feelings.

CRYSTAL COVE
As we were approaching, our tour guide talked again by telling us the name of the island and.... tadaaaa..... to pay PHP200 for the entrance fee!

We all looked at each other as if to say, WTF?

This is a SCAM! Big time.

Nobody told us to pay such! They only told us even before we boarded the boat that we were going to snorkel and island hop. But, fees? No, they didn't tell us.

This, for sure, is a hidden fee.

I asked them why should we pay such, and they said that it's a private property so, we have to pay. It's owned by a certain army Colonel. His last name slipped off my mind.

Wow, that Colonel owns an island? Bill Gates doesn't have one!

So, I just stayed outside the gate and did my usual camwhoring. When the French couple sitting next to me came back from inside, they told me what they said.

“There are two caves. One is great and the other one was a crap. The view is just like any other sea view and it's ok. But, PHP200, though cheap, is not worth it.”

I smiled and they asked me why I didn't go inside. I told them about my “financial crisis” and I was glad that they EXACTLY had the same sentiment!

“We are glad you said that because we were thinking that we were alone in thinking about this thing,” the girl said.

In an instant, I just blurted out, “Welcome to the Philippines!”

We all three shared a laugh Monalisa doesn't even know.

PUKA BEACH
After our lunch at the coastal BarangayTambi-saan, we headed to Puka Beach. The guide said that there are many shells here.

But, no alas, I didn't find a whole one. I found some broken shells. Not awesome.

However, the sand quality and the seaside and the quietness of the place is magnificent. There are no annoying whores and peddlers here nor resorts and business establishments. It's just YOU and the sea. Well, of course, the other few tourists in your boat.

I saw two nipa huts but that's just the way it is in the island, right?

I reckon that this is the place where one can attain Nirvana.

After self-camwhoring (with my tripod), I went back to our boat and in few minutes, we sailed off back to Station 3.

That's where we passed by Shangrila Boracay which reminds me of the wondrous Mediterenean houses and hotels overlooking the sea. We all wished we could stay there even for a night.

We also passed by Manny Pacquiao's Resort which became controversial for breaking an environmental law. Search about the controversy and if I were you, DON'T ever stay there---even if you are a millionaire. Just. Don't.

Now, is that “plus a lot of fun” to you? Or just a plain SCAM?

On my way to my guesthouse, I stopped and read this sand joke. This. IS. FUN. 

The Boracay Video

A reader asked me to record THE Boracay Beach----and I did. She said she would watch this everytime she has a break in the office. I hope her boss would give her a holiday she wants...even for three days.

It's my last hours in Boracay as I am writing this from my guesthouse room. I'll be off to the airport soon and it breaks my heart to say farewell to the powdery, white sand---and the amazing sunset. And the few people I met here. 

If you have never been here and if you dream of coming back here, here's something for you to wish upon the stars. :)

P.S.
I'll have two more entries about Boracay. Will do it later as my hands are full right now.

Nightlife in Boracay

Nightlife in Boracay is like hell at its best. It's fierce, naughty, kinky and, of course, fun.

If you're a member of the Immaculate Conception congregation, this is not the kind of fun you are surely looking for.

If you walk along the beach from end to end, you can see shadows lurking the corner, and two nights ago, I heard a moan. It was just very near me. Judging from the sound of it, someone was giving and someone was receiving a blow job. Eewww!

Friends asked me some bar recommendations in Boracay. I told them that I won't recommend but I'd say something about the bars I've been to.

A male friend, K, asked where the best place to find someone to get laid. He's a hetero and said he never tried a whore in his life but he might try one when he visits next month.

I told him NOT to do it because with a body like him, he could grab anyone he likes for free. He has low self-esteem. It's only me who can boost it and one time I pimped him out in Shanghai--and he got home with the lady who he likes sooooo much. He was grateful for that. He just bought me a a long island iced tea and gave me a good night kiss.

It was my first ever pimping experience. :))

I am no Lonely Planet but I'll say my two cents about Boracay's nightlife.

JUICE BAR (Station 2)

Visit this bar after midnight because that when people start turning up in this open air bar. They play a mix of house, electronic and pop music. The crowd are crazy and dancing on the sand has never been fun when you are at this place. Mixed drinks are priced above a hundred pesos and they're ok. I go here for the music and the no-frills ambiance.

If you wanna rest yourself from the annoying whores, this is your haven.   

HEY JUDE (Station 2)

I like this place. Though drinks are a bit pricey, I love the DJs' music here and the atmosphere. There's an air of class and elitism even if you just pass by this bar. There are some whores around but they're not as annoying as other bars. A lot of expats in the crowd and boys do play foosball here. Drinks are ok.


SUMMER PLACE (Station 2)
Music is loud and good. Dance floor is a tiny space in front of the DJ booth. Expect elbowing each other and feel that gross sweat of someone dancing next to you. You can even bump someone's ass and other private parts. This bar is heavily infested with expats looking for one night stands. It is also here where Filipina whores compete each other to grab the moneyed Caucasians' attention. These whores really know their stuff. If they think this guy won't bring her somewhere, they'd move on to the next potential customer.

I should know. I observed them. Boy, they grind their body seductively to the tune of whatever is playing.

Summer Place is a whore house so to speak. Both for men and women. :)

BAMBOOZE (Station 2)

High school kids group here due to drink specials: PHP200 for 6 bottles of any kind of beer available in the bar. They play pop music and the crowd really dance wild and in tune with the beat. Small dance floor space and beware of fighting / arguing with drunk teenagers.

We stayed here for less than an hour and left. The moment we reached downstairs, there was fighting upstairs and broken bottles flew everywhere.

CLUB PARAW (Station 1)

Went to this bar twice. I love it. You can bury your feet under the sand while you comfortably sit your ass in one of their low bamboo stools. Drinks price are just the same as other bars. They have amazing fire dancing performance which everybody is waiting for. The beach is just like 3 meters from the last table.


CHILLOUT (Station 1)
The live music is the main attraction here. The voice of their lead singer soothes to your tired body doing sea sports and stuff. When the singer takes a break, you can hear the waves nearby. Good place to really chillout with friends and lovers. Bob Marley is a GOD here.


SAND BAR (Station 1)
This bar is perhaps has the most romantic setting in all the bars I went to. The tiny lamps they put on each table adds glam and romance. Watch out for their fire dancing performance from the members of the FABULOUSHHHHH community. They;re exotic and fantabulous rolled in one! 

Other bars I went to but only stayed for a drink (not two): MO2 (great live music), Nigi Nigi Nu Noose (weird name, huh?) and Charle's Bar (live music).

Whores are everywhere in Boracay. Don't let them spoil your fun. When you are in this island, YOU DEFINE FUN and NOT the WHORES.

The nightlife here would never ever dissapoint you. Dance with the music and talk to some. Drink your liquor and be wild but don't start a fight.

Boracay is your place to relax while having fun. So, make the best of it and leave the island with good, bad and incredible stories to tell to those who have never been here.
 

Bat Cave

If you visit Ilig-Iligan Beach in Boracay island, don't miss to see the bat cave. Though there's not much to see there but bats, it's still worth even if you are not into bats and stuff.

There are two caves: one is explorable while the other one is partially not.

A fee, of course, is expected. An "entrance fee" is 50 pesos. I doubt if the government knows about this since there's no proper ticket. I gave the money to the mother who lives near the barbed fence, which serves as the gate, and who accommodatingly offered me her slippers to use.

Then, I paid another 150 pesos for the tour guides--three little children. I don't anymore question the amount. I felt generous so off we started walking to this pathway in red soil and some rocks.

We went to the first cave first.

This is our entrance. After passing through it, I wondered how I did it in such a small opening.

The stalactites and stalagmites of the cave suffered seriously from tourists and from lack of protection from the local tourism board. They're totally lifeless but you can see a speck of its beauty. We didn't see any bats here. Only bat shits and a dead bird.

This child was my cave guide. He pointed out to me the crystals that covered this stalagmite. They twinkle like embers of little white stars when the flash light was out.

The children had a lot of knowledge about bat life. They pointed me to this and that and explained some stuff I didn't get. They impressed me at such a young age.

At the other end of the cave is this view. There's this tree that extends its twin trunks outside the cave opening and its if you're not careful, you're gonna fall into the ravine and into the abyss of the deep blue sea. It was really dangerous but the adventurous spirit in me pushed me to walk like a beauty queen into these trunks. I stayed and sat there like a monkey for a bit to inhale fresh air and admire the panoramic view at the distance and the danger below me.

Then, we went back to the cave passing through the same way when we got in.

My guides showed me Bat Cave 2 and yes, I did see bats---sleeping, of course. It was a bit of a stench. I positioned myself to take photos of the bats but when I clicked the shutter, a warning came out of the camera screen: battery dead.

Bat luck, eh? :))

Ilig-Iligan Beach

In the nothernmost tip of Boracay Island, there lies a pristine beach called Ilig-Iligan. It has not yet been "bastardized," "consumated", "commercialized" by the local and greedy businessmen.

Since it's a bit far, going there needs bargaining skills with the local transport drivers. A motorcycle is the easiest. I paid 200 pesos to get there and back to Station 2. We agreed that we will only be at the beach for two hours---no more, no less. More than that, I'll pay a hundred more.

Ilig-iligan beach is so pristine that the place is soooo quiet. In fact there were only me and two Korean tourists who was fully cloth like it's winter. For sure, like any Asians, they're avoiding to be dark-skinned. There are no resorts there, only shabby shacks (mostly empty)---and though the sand is not as white as the famed Boracay beach, it is still powdery.



The only thing (i dunno if it's a bad or good) is the waves. They're strong and a bit bigger than the rest of the waves in the verdant shores of the island. 

But, it's a good place to just lay down there and listen to the waves splashing to the rocks and sandy shores.

And yes, a good place for camwhoring, too.

That's what I did. :))

Yeah, it's so me.

Fire Dancers in Boracay

Boracay has another side.

When night falls, the place is turned into a different kind of kinkiness that everybody is aware of. It's a meat market where flesh is the name of the game. Flirting becomes an art and fun is defined somewhat into a different level.

The bars are full of gimmicks: from drinks specials to fire dancing, to live music,  to loud, blaring music, to barkers that lure costumers to come check out their place. The good thing is, there's no forceful persuasion to the extent that it becomes annoying.

Of all these gimmicks, fire dancing captured my interests. Danger, sexiness and gracefulness are rolled into one in this kind of entertainment. I was floored and they impressed me.

Why? Maybe because I like to play with fire. Literally and figuratively. Hahahaha....

Below are two separate videos of ladies and gents fire dancers.